Yesterday morning, Faye came a knockin’ on my door as she does every morning, so that we could head to school together. As usual, I wasn’t quite ready so Faye came in. Then I started regaling her with a tale of urinating blood, in order to inquire if she thought it was a problem, or if I should just ignore it. The look on her face was enough for me to realize that perhaps, just perhaps, I should tell Tom about my current sitch and allow him to take me to the doctor.
While we were waiting for the elevator, I, having no filter, continued to tell Faye the details of my possible medical problem. I explained, that I had suspected there was some blood in my urine (either a day ago or a week ago – of course I couldn’t remember, because I can’t remember anything). Then I told her that the night before I had come home feeling rather, well, shitty, and decided to take a bath. As I sat on the edge of the bathtub, running the water, I felt the urge to urinate, but thought that I couldn’t (as I’d peed about 8 times in the prior hour and didn’t believe anything was left). It was then, that I looked down into the white bathtub and saw that a bright red trail of what seemed to be blood was creeping down the side of the white ceramic. I thought, “did I just piss that out?” Sure enough, I did. I thought, “well that’s new.” Then I rinsed out the bathtub and took a bath.
At this point in the story, Faye started to feel a little sick and sat down on the stairs. When she felt better, she stood up, and we boarded the elevator. About 30 seconds into our downward travel, Faye fainted. I tried my best to catch her, which wasn’t very successful. I did however manage to keep her from hitting her head on anything on her way down. Once she was on the ground, I realized the elevator had stopped. I don’t really remember what went through my head at this moment in time, I just remember being incredibly calm. I pushed the button to call for help on the elevator. Faye seemingly started to seize. Didn’t really know what to do, and frankly, reacted in a shockingly cavalier manner. Then a Russian woman started speaking to me over some speaker system. When Faye came to, she thought that God was a Russian woman. Hehe. Ultimately, I managed to explain our predicament to the Russian woman god, and we called Faye’s host mom who came to find us. She kept yelling, “Faye, where are you guys?” Which, when we responded, “here, in the elevator,” didn’t really change much. After about thirty minutes in the elevator, a woman pried the door open and told us to jump. We were caught between floors. Once we’d escaped the elevator, I went to class and Faye went home to sleep.
When I arrived at KORA, I went to the director’s office to ask if Tom was in yet. I was sure he wasn’t, but I just wanted to make sure someone told him I was looking for him. Tom seemed a little shocked when I wanted to talk to him about my bloody urine rather than the elevator event. Then he asked, “Is this what you were telling Faye when she fainted?” I said yes, and we laughed. It is pretty amusing.
My adventure with Tom at the clinic was quite amusing. The Russian urologist did not like that Tom came into the room with me. He’s like, “you really want this young man in here with you?” “What does that mean she’s your student? She’s not a kid, she’s a grown up. She can speak for herself.” How awkward. Then he told me to stop taking all of my medications, that my American doctors had prescribed me, and told me I shouldn’t go to Sochi. I decided, I will keep taking my medications, AND go to Sochi.
Last night, Tom called me to tell me that I needed to find a jar, wash all of the jam out of it, and bring in a urine sample to the hospital. This seemed ridiculous to both of us, as we understand the need for the container to be sterile. Tom joked that they would be looking at my urine and say, “There is a high sugar content in your urine. Actually, there are blueberries in your urine.” Hahaha. It couldn’t be because the urine sample I gave you was in a jar that formerly contained blueberry jam?
As the American that I am, I decided to come to the internet bar today and research bloody urine on WebMD. Possible diagnoses:
UTI (probably not, I’ve been tested for UTI’s constantly over that last year or two and have never had one)
Hemophilia (nope, would’ve bled to death by now)
Bladder cancer (don’t have that, I’ve been tested for it in the last year)
Hydronephrosis/Glomerulonephritis /Supraventricular tachycardia ( I don’t know what any of these illnesses are)
Polycystic kidney disease/Kidney infection
Diabetes, type 2/Diabetes, type 1/Diabetes insipidus/Diabetic ketoacidosis
Aspirin use (haven’t taken aspirin in months – cross that off the list)
Medication reaction or side-effect (distinct possibility)
Bladder stones (think I would be in more pain?)
Blood clotting disorder (doubtful)
Gonorrhea (well, that would be a first)
Interstitial cystitis (wait, I already have this!)
Pre-leukemia (certainly hope not)
Living in Russia, and reacting to medical problems by researching them on WebMD could be potentially hazardous. I could decide I have 18 different diseases, and then go to the pharmacy, where they sell practically everything over the counter, and buy all the medications necessary to treat all 18 conditions. Sounds dangerous. I think, I just won’t do anything. Well, other than continue to take this “paste for the health of the insides” that the doctor told me to take.
While on WebMD, I found an interesting article and would like to give you all a little piece of it to chew on, “Unlike sex with a partner, masturbation can't give you a sexually transmitted disease. Nor will it subject you to the muscle strains, pokes in the eye, and awkward moments that can come with partner sex.” Also, “You don't need an expert to tell you that solo sex feels good, relieves stress, and is a terrific sleep aid.”
No comments:
Post a Comment